My family and I were gathered on the couch in front of the big screen, watching Christmas Vacation, a treasured tradition in my house. Clark Griswold was getting ready to open his Christmas bonus which was going to buy a pool for the family but was instead given a Jelly of the Month club membership…
It might have been all the holiday busyness, or perhaps the eggnog, another treasured holiday tradition, but at that moment in the movie, I fell into a deep sleep-like state, but with lucid clarity, and a profound vision swept over me…
Like Clark Griswold’s pool vision as he stared out the window, I saw a guy’s dream pool. The magnificence of this pool was mesmerizing, and I stared lovingly at the vision, every detail etched permanently in my memory. It was true paradise, the perfect guy’s pool.
The first thing about my dream pool, it’s a big pool – not stupid big but definitely big enough to swim laps or host pool basketball and volleyball games. On each side of the pool, there was a channel – four-feet-wide and as deep as the pool, flowing into a gentle lazy river weaving its way around the entire yard, front and back.
There was a giant pool slide attached to a deck off the upstairs master bedroom with a steep initial drop that flattened out as it neared the pool. It was a fast slide, but not too fast, as I pictured myself waking up each morning, walking outside and sliding down into the pool. The rush of fresh water splashing over me as I landed on the pool float made of $100 bills was more invigorating and stimulating than any cup of coffee. Ever.
As the money float carried me across the water, the music was beautiful and everywhere. Wireless speakers were embedded throughout the teak wood decking all around the pool and along the lazy river. I ran my hand along the soft wood planks at the edge of the pool and wondered why anyone would use anything else for a pool deck.
Half-laughingly I blurted out “Ain’t that a kick in the head,” and the music system responded by instantly playing the old Dean Martin song. In time to the music, the underwater lights automatically beamed soft, cool choreographed colors onto the glow-in-the-dark tiles that lined the pools interior surfaces.
Floating peacefully for what seemed like hours, I found myself at the far end of the pool where the water gracefully dropped over the infinity edge and into a pergola seating area. I sat down at one of the built-in underwater stools, leaned up against the cement and tile piano and asked the player to play something for old time’s sake.
As he soulfully played, I looked toward the deep end, and saw the most beautiful open air pool cabana I’ve ever seen. I swam to the other end of the pool next to where the slide dropped into the water, and in front of me was a mahogany patio set, the kind like you see in a fancy Caribbean resort, perfectly placed in front of the outdoor fireplace.
The kids then walked out of the automatic sliding patio door toward the pool and picked up their pool toys they left lying around and put them into the storage cube. Slightly stunned, I turned back toward the fireplace, and saw above the stone mantel a huge UHDTV with my beloved Cubs playing in the World Series – the surround sound deafening, just like actually being at Game 7.
I got out of the pool, and something in my mind told me this was all way too good to be true and I twisted around to look at the guy’s dream pool one last time, and saw a hatch open up in the wood pool deck. Out came a sleek robotic pool cleaner, and I watched him scrub every inch of the pool. Then he returned to his hatch to recharge.
As I turned to walk toward the house, an automatic pool safety cover with a surface that looked like real grass began to cover the pool. I took a look at the fireplace one more time and glanced up at the TV. The baseball game was replaced with a scene of a house surrounded by snow.
It was so real, yet surreal. The Perfect Pool. And then as quickly as it began, the vision was gone. I woke up and the credits were rolling, everyone had gone to bed.
I couldn’t wait to tell my wife about it, about my dream of a guy’s dream pool. She feigned interest as I explained everything I saw in vivid detail. As I told her all about the automatic pool cover that doubled as grass, and how this is a sign that we should actually build all of this, she just stared at me and asked, “just who is going to pay for all of this man dream pool stuff?” Valid point, I guess.
However, dreams and visions should never have price tags attached. Did Clark Griswold give up on his dream pool? No! At the end of the movie, his boss Frank Shirley, (under pressure from his wife) changes his mind and reinstates the bonuses.
Mele Kalikimaka; (is a wise way to say Merry Christmas to you…)
InTheSwim Staff Blogger